How to Deal with Expatriation without Putting Love in Peril

For 2 out of 3 couples, the spouse’s inability to adapt to a new environment causes expatriate assignments to fail*.

Difficulties don’t always have geographical or cultural origins: a new social environment, uncertainty about the future and relocation increases stress on all family members. But stress factors are usually very different for each of them, and may include isolation, feelings of disorientation, lack of power and the need to adapt to a new professional environment.

Communication during expatriation is often very hard between the one who works and the one who doesn’t. Priorities and daily issues can be so different that confusion and discomfort in relationships grow inevitably. If nothing is done to understand each other, this situation leads to a disconnect and in some cases to divorce. 27% of divorced expatriates acknowledged that the expatriation was partly responsible for their separation*.

So what can you do to prevent that?

First, consider signing up for longer term assignments as they are associated with lower stress levels.

When organizing your move, don’t just stay focused on logistics. Spend more time together, discuss individual goals and common objectives. Ask one another about dreams, fears and how you can support each other during the relocation and adaptation phases.

But remember to discuss your feelings only when the other one is ready to hear you. Instead of giving your to-do list to a tired hubby just coming back from work (and vice versa!), agree on an appropriate moment for both of you.

Keep in mind that when relocating to a new country, expatriates usually go through 3 phases:

First is the honey moon phase, which includes discoveries, excitement and activities related to your arrival. Then it’s culture shock: after 3 to 6 months of adventures, moods can abruptly shift toward low spirits or even lead to a nervous breakdown. The last phase is adjustment to a new environment.

The second phase, culture shock– which can last up to one year– is the most dangerous phase, and some people may need help in preventing harm to their self-esteem, which can include strong pessimism and even somatic symptoms like pains or allergies. Again, communication is key to overcoming the difficulties. Learn from others and yourself, mature and become stronger.

If, despite all your efforts, you end up being single, stay positive. According to a 2008 survey, more than 50% of expatriates find love abroad*!